Peace During the Wait



Lovely Friends,

   So I shared yesterday about how I went to my yearly exam and got the no-go for baby making.  I was really disappointed initially, because I really want to have another child AND because I want Camille to be close to her siblings.  However, I did realize this morning that the disappointments were rooted in fear. 
   I fear that if I wait too long, then I won't be able to conceive.  I also fear that if my children are too far apart, then they won't be close.  The thing about fear is that it certainly isn't from God!  The Bible is clear in Timothy that "the Lord does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind."  I have really had to take my thoughts captive this morning and remind myself that God used my doctor to keep me on the narrow healthy path, because I really don't want to tread down the other one.  My impatience could have lead to an unhealthy pregnancy and unhealthy baby.  I absolutely do NOT want my choices to negatively affect any future children, so I am waiting. 
   I feel like that I have waited for so long for my husband and I to agree that now would be the perfect time to go ahead and think about more children. So waiting some more can be totally exhausting!  A reminder that the Holy Spirit keeps dropping into my heart is that long ago, he taught me to REST during a waiting period.  I really hated it when he pointed that out.  Rest is the last thing that I think that I need to do, but is the divine prescription for what my body needs. God really knows how long my body needs to detox and the amount of rest that it will take to properly clean house.  So, here I am, waiting.  Waiting for the 70 lbs. to come off.  Waiting for November to come.  I KNOW that I have so much to learn during this wait!  God always teaches me during the wait.  But today, I am mourning the wait.
  It may seem like an odd thing to mourn waiting.  However, God has given me an analytical nature that has been quite therapeutic for helping me understand myself (with some divine consulting, of course!).  To help me move forward with God's (the better) plan for childbearing, I need to walk through the mourning of what I thought it would be.  I thought that I would have my children within a couple years of each other, but had come to the conclusion that I could handle no more than 5 years apart.  Yesterday, that crumpled.  God let me know, through the truth of my OB that 5 years was not the final say, but that it could be more than 5 if He so chose!  He is, after all, the Creator of my babies and certainly expects me to do MY part in hosting a safe place for His creation.
  Although I am mourning what I feel like I lost (although I KNOW God's plan is better!), I am also walking through a bit of guilt.  I do very much realize that MY health choices, namely eating and exercise, are what brought me to the unhealthy state that I am in today. I am only blaming myself for getting here and hating the consequences of those actions.  I am really trying to rebel against beating myself up about it because over the past few months, I HAVE taken steps in the right direction.  I HAVE chosen to eat differently.  I HAVE chosen to begin an exercise regimen.  I WILL continue those positive steps to continue to improve my health. 
  In continuing with those positive steps, I am going to follow a detox lifestyle (I didn't say diet on purpose!  This NEEDS to be a lifestyle!) that will eliminate toxins from my diet (I have already eliminated some, but need to weed out the last few!).  Following appropriate calories for my activity level combined with the no toxin approach is how I plan to reach my goals nutritionally.  Because I am not exercising a ton right now, I plan to stick to a 3 day a week 30 min HIIT session via Youtube videos.  I will slowly adjust my fitness, but I need to not overwhelm myself with the changes so that I can keep pressing forward during the wait. 
   My verse that I am praying is John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Giving it my all,
Jess

Trying to Conceive and the Truth from the OB



Hello Lovely Friends,

   It has been quite some time since I have posted about all that I am learning about my health.  The truth is definitely that I have not quit learning at all, but have learned more than ever!  I am constantly searching for more information about health, diet, exercise, detoxing, natural supplements, really any and all of it.  Now would definitely be a good time to mention that I am not a doctor.  I have had no medical training, and certainly do not intend on diagnosing or treating anyone.  I enjoy sharing my personal experiences and information that I have gleaned from articles, books, blogs, documentaries and any other media that I have read or seen.  I highly recommend that you discuss with your PCP any health related issues and changes that you would like to make regarding your health!
   Now to the real meat of why I am writing this post- TTC! This little three letter acronym for "trying to conceive" has been on my mind a ton lately.  Fertility is actually a sensitive subject for me and I never really shared about my struggle when trying to conceive my Camille.
   I was actually diagnosed with PCOS in my twenties when I first started visiting the gynecologist. I have never had a consistent period, but this never alarmed me because I also have this fun thing called hypothyroidism (yeah, not fun!).  So visiting the gynecologist and being diagnosed with PCOS was a tad surprising because I always thought my inconsistent periods were related to my thyroid.  Not!  After being diagnosed, I learned about a few of the symptoms- insulin resistance, hirsutism, irregular periods, weight gain, and infertility, but really didn't take much stock in what it all really meant.  I was diagnosed 7 years ago, and blame the passiveness on being busy and not really having an understanding of how in control I was of my own health. 
   Since really learning how much I am in control of my own health, it has really made we wake to the fact that I am either a contributor or a helper to my issues.  Every. Single. Bite. Counts. This is a truth that I have hated for so long! Why can't I just have a free pass on a few bites?!  Why do sweets have to be so darn bad for my health?!  One conclusion that I have come to regarding taste is that vegetables were always supposed to be desirable.  This time in which we live has warped our thinking on what tastes good and what is acceptable.  I am truly battling through it.
    So what does food have to do with conception and my OB apt?  Well, I had a discussion with my OB today about TTC.  I know how big my doctor is on health, and I already had an idea of what she might say.  She has always been honest with me every step of the way and I very much respect her for delivering hard truths.  The hard truth that I had to hear today was that she highly recommends that I stop TTC and wait until my BMI is 30 or below.  Is that what I wanted to hear?  Absolutely not!  But, I do trust her to guide me to have the healthiest pregnancy possible and to be able to deliver the healthiest baby possible. 
   Looking at a BMI chart, mine falls at 40.9.  That is a completely unhealthy level and really gives me a good dose of reality- my hard work is not done!  I have been on a sort of high after losing almost 30 pounds, which is absolutely a step in the right direction.  However, these weight loss highs can cause me to forget that there is work left to be done. I sit in my high, and don't keep pushing, which means that my weight creeps back up and I hit a low again.  After being a bottom feeder for a while, I read a book,  get inspired, and fight to take control of my health.  Another high enters, and the cycle repeats itself. 
  The truth is, I do want to stay on the narrow road to good, clean, healthy eating.  I do want my body to be a disease fighting machine.  I do want to live a long and healthy life, able to play with my children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.
   I have already made some healthy changes that I do believe are working to get my body to optimal health and I will share what I have started thus far.  But today, I am making a plan.  Like a hardcore plan. Like a plan that I am scared to share for fear of failure. One thing that I have learned about fear is that it intensifies when left in the dark, so my shout from the rooftops plan is that I want to lose 95lbs total!  Say what?!  That is a crazy big goal, yes, it is for sure.  But, if I don't admit to such a big goal, then I will keep it in secret with only small bursts of motivation to actually lose it.  I want to lose this!  The good news is that I have already lost the first 25 pounds, so I am a step ahead.  To some it may seem silly that I would include the weight that I have already lost, but I need to see that success on my chart so that I will keep going.  For the 70lbs that is left to lose, I am going to break into 2 sets of 35lbs.  These smaller goals will make the amounts more manageable but will give me more than just a bland two pounds per week goal.  For me if goals are too big or too small, I can get discouraged.
   Now that I have my goal weights calculated, let me explain two things.  First, I need to explain how I calculated them, and second, the timeline associated with them.  These goal weights have been created per the suggestion of my OB.  Because my BMI is currently at 40.9, she wants me to try to move to 30 or below before TTC again.  To make the goals achievable, she suggested moving to a BMI of 35 to be my first goal.  I used a BMI calculator to determine what weight I need to be to reach a BMI of 35.  After calculating, I discovered that losing 35 lbs. would take me from one obese category down to the next.  Once I lose this 35 lbs., another 35 lbs. would move my BMI from 35.2 down to 29.8, just skirting in under the recommended 30.  Because I plan on losing weight at the rate of 2 lbs. per week, I gave myself the goal of losing the first set of 35 lbs. by July 6, 2016, reaching a BMI of 35.  Losing another 35lbs. between July 6 and November 9 would bring me to my TTC weight and a BMI of 29.8. 
  Once I reach my TTC weight, I will start  TTC again.  By this point, I am hoping to have regulated my hormones and be in a much healthier place physically.  I will continue to stay the course of health with or without conception.  If I don't conceive right away, then my new goal will be to work towards a BMI of 24.9, which is in the normal category.  I will have to lose 31 lbs. after I reach my TTC weight and it will take until March 1, 2017 to get there.  In the coming weeks I will share my recommended reading and steps that I am taking to achieve my 2lbs. per week weight loss. Until then, here is me stepping into the light about my health.

Giving it my all,
Jess

How Losing 30 Pounds Affected My Health



                                           Not at my goal weight yet, but 30lbs sure feels good!

Lovely Friend,

  Today I sit before you, proud.  Very proud.  I still have MUCH ground to cover, but today I revel in the victory that I have defeated 30 pounds.  For me, this victory comes from a very large battle. A battle that is more than just choosing the right foods to eat.  A battle that is more than choosing the perfect Pinterest workout.  For my battle, this battle,  is both emotional and spiritual in nature.
   I have shared that I have been completing Arbonne boot camps off and on since January.  Though the boot camps have taught me much about food, they have been more successful in revealing my personal habits and emotions regarding food.   I have learned that I consume chocolate almost as if its taste gives me an immediate calm from whatever stress that I may be feeling.  There have been times that I have shoved it in my mouth and swallowed it so fast that I hardly tasted it.  There have been times that I have searched for it with such drive that you would have believed it to be one million dollars.  It seems odd to admit this, but I have used food to replace prayer time with my Heavenly Father.  I have used to food to give me a calm rather than calling on the peace that passes all understanding.  Although I have a daily prayer time, food had become the god of my stress. Since discovering this about myself, I have been able to defeat the urge to turn to food, but occasionally it is still a battle.
  As it has been said, knowing is half the battle.  So I have established an intimate relationship with the Spirit of God to listen when I am using food to replace the time that should be spent with Him.  I love that our Father loving weaves his way into every area of our lives, including the ones that we may not have realized that we rejected Him.  Truly, I did not realize that I have shoved God out of my eating habits and thus they began to become a wedge pushing me away from my Father when I should have been calling on His name.  The wonderful truth is that He has lovingly called me back, revealed to me the truth, and is walking with me on the path to be the best that I can be.
  The path to great health is one that I would consider hard and narrow.  It means that I have to make choices that I do not want to make.  There are days when I just want to eat something that will damage my body rather than heal it, and I have to remind myself that my body is God's temple and should receive the very best.
  Because my Father know the way that food affects our bodies, He is leading me into good health so that my body can heal and will not have to suffer later consequences of damaging choices.  Since April I have successfully lost 30 pounds.  For me, losing 30 pounds in 6 months time is very slow.  It is so slow, that it can be discouraging.  However, today,  I get to celebrate where I was 6 months ago, and that makes me smile. 
   Six months ago, not only did I have 30 extra pounds, but I also had high blood pressure. At 28, I had entered the "pre-hypertension" club with doctor's orders to try lifestyle adjustment prior to medicine.  I had the blood pressure of 140/90 and could not believe that I was letting my weight damage my health the way it had.  I am ecstatic to report that a recent visit to my PCP revealed that my blood pressure has drastically improved, moved out of the monitoring phase, and is at a healthy 115/71.
    In addition to the high blood pressure, I have thyroid medication.  My thyroid never really alarmed me because I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism as a teen and always considered it a problem that I would just always have.  I thought, it was inherited and there was never a possibility of it being cured.  God always has a way of surpassing our expectations, and losing the 30 pounds actually allowed my to lower my subscription by 24mcg.  Realizing that God created food to be healing to our bodies, I now have hope and eventually being able to possibly completely lose my thyroid prescription.
  The more that I learn about how my body was made and the way that food affects it, the more that I am amazed at the ingenuity of our God.  I totally am awed at the great detail that is reflected not only in our being, but also in the fuel that was created for our being.  We serve an awesome God that is worthy to be praised and I, for one, am going to choose to praise Him by treating my body like the temple that it is!

Giving it my all,
Jess

Lessons That I Have Learned On My Health Journey



Lovely Friend,

   When I first began my health journey I was walking blindly into a new life.  Speaking of my health journey, it honestly began about 6 years ago, when I was uneducated and uninformed. When I first started to get healthy, I focused primarily on working out.  I hired a personal trainer (who was awesome by the way!  If you ever need one, I know a guy!)  and my definition of eating healthy meant skipping the fast food.  I worked hard for several months and lost about 20 pounds.  Shortly after, I got pregnant with my daughter.  In several years after, I got into the Mommy mode of survival by fixing quick and easy meals that were not healthy for me or my family. Once I got off track, I desperately wanted to get back on.  I got to a place where I knew changes needed to be made but I truly thought all those changes had to do with the food that I was eating.
    To start making my food changes, I joined my first Arbonne boot camp about 2 years ago.  I did well for the first couple weeks and then went back to my old easy habits.  Although I didn't lose oodles of weight, what did happen was a stepping stone to where I am now.  Because during that time, I started to learn that health changes are so much bigger than food.  I started to learn that food was emotional, food was spiritual, and food was in charge.  Following the first boot camp, I joined three more.  Each time I learned more about myself.  Each time I learned more about food. Each time I learned more about health. 
  I am at a point where I know that I will be ever learning about health and ever discovering recipes that will taste yummy and be healthy.  I am also at a place where I am proud to have learned about my health journey beyond just the food I eat.  To explain what I have learned, I do also want to explain my previous thoughts about the topics.
  In previous times, I would see an attractive woman with a great figure stuffing her face with something delicious such as the 1,500 calorie molten chocolate cake and I would immediately get jealous.  I would get jealous because I had preconceived beliefs about this woman that I thought I longed to be.  One of the beliefs that I had about this woman was that she always chose to eat this way.  Honestly, that may or may not have been true.  This could have been an exception to her daily routine.  She could have worked out really hard to compensate for the calories she was consuming.  I truthfully don't know how much this one meal reflects her regular habits, but I assumed that it was a reflection of every meal. 
   Another preconceived belief that I had for this woman was that she has always looked this way. This woman could have worked very hard to change unhealthy habits and may have not always been this thin.  This could have been her birthday and she chose to indulge on this day only!  Realizing that I had these preconceived beliefs about health, made me understand that I do have control of my personal health.  Good health was not some blessing from above that I missed, but rather a journey that I must embark.
   Food was emotional.  Who am I kidding??  Food is STILL emotional!  Being in touch with why you eat is HUGE for discovering unhealthy attachments, and the boot camps taught me that.  I am a stress eater!  BIG TIME!  When I am stressed, I crave sweets, especially chocolate.  I have come to the realization that I have trained my brain to temporarily relieve stress almost as soon as I start inhale said food.  The moments where stress was the highest, I would sneak away for a few seconds and inhale my chocolate to the point that the morsels barely touched my taste buds.  I have never smoked cigarettes, but I imagine my behavior was that similar of a smoker craving a cigarette during a high stress time.  I was not consuming out of hunger, or even enjoyment, it was totally emotional. I would love to be able to stand firm and say that I have totally broken my emotional attachment to food, but there are days where I struggle more than others.  Moving into the spiritual side of my battle is where the food addiction can be most addressed.
   As I began to pray over my health journey, God definitely addressed some spiritual issues that I had.  Spiritually, much of the time I was dry and not filling my spirit the way that HE designed it to be filled.  I was using food as a soul filler and it was just not compatible.  Upon this realization, I of course, confessed to God and He graciously forgave me.  Not only did I experience forgiveness, but also fulfillment from filling my spirit with the Word.  I can honestly say that the Word of God has been more alive to me in the last few months, than it ever has in my entire life.  My spirit is so satisfied with the Word, and I really love to read it now.
   Another spiritual battle that I have fought with food is trust.  When I get stressed, I often take my eyes off the cross and what the Word says, and put them on my situation.  We live in a hard world.  It sucks sometimes.  Life isn't fair sometimes. But with all this, I am learnING (as in definitely still doing it!) that God is greater than the stress of the moment and HE is where I need to turn my attention. 
     The thing about food being thrown into the mix of my spiritual battle is this- Satan KNEW he could trip me up here and it would never look like an outright sin.  What??  Did I just call it a sin to not eat right?  Yes, I do believe that being in a pattern of continually wrong eating habits, when you know that they are wrong, is sinning. Once I knew and still did not act, then I was purposefully not taking care of the temple that God had entrusted to me.  When I was overindulgent, I was not just binge eating one night or having a treat here and there, I was throwing in the towel for a healthy diet and doing everything wrong.  Because I was on this unhealthy kick (that by the way kept the cycle going with my sugar addition) my body was responding with conditions that were unnecessary simply because I was not treating it well.  Among my conditions were inflammation (that I had to get meds for), feeling extremely fatigued (too tired sometimes to do the work that God commissioned me to do),  short tempered with my daughter (especially when I was tired), low self-esteem (I was no longer satisfied in how I looked physically), higher blood sugar (because I was flooding my body with sugar), higher blood pressure, and cravings for food that kept me this way.  In a way, Satan was keeping me distracted and tired from my poor eating habits, so that I could not impact the kingdom the way that God had intended.  This eye opener was huge motivation for change! I did not want poor eating habits to keep me out of God's ballgame!
   Because food had such a hold in my emotions and spiritual actions, it was in charge of a good portion of my life.  Admitting that makes me sound like I'm crazy, but I had given food that much control over my life.  I had given food the ability to rule how my body, a temple of the living God, was treated.  It's ludicrous really, that I would let something as simple as food, be given the power that it was given, but the good news is, now I know.  Now, I can do something about it!
  Moving forward, I do know that I want to run as far away from that place as I can possibly get.  I want to make sure that from here on out, I am giving my body the VIP treatment and will have to rebel against my previous ways.  I will also have to rebel against cultural norms of large portions, fake food, and overindulgent treats.  It will take prayer, and lots of it, but I KNOW that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Giving it my all,
Jess

How Do Nemo and Weight Loss Relate??



Lovely Friend,

   I am so excited to be at a place with a measurable amount that I have lost.  Technically, all the weight that I have lost is measurable, but it is actually starting to show now.  I know that I do not parade around announcing that I have lost a pound, because, quite frankly, that pound could be back on the next day.  My weight tends to fluctuate within a pound or two because of water weight, food choices, etcetera, so I'm typically not shouting it from the rooftops.  However, when I reach a milestone like 15 pounds, I am ready to do a happy dance, maybe not in front of anyone yet, but I'm pretty excited!

   Now that I am down 15 pounds I can tell that my middle is starting to get a tad thinner and my neck area is slimming as well.  I still have a long way to go to reach my weight loss goals, but I have achieved leaps and bounds with my health goals!  Truly this journey has always been about improving my health to make sure that I am serving God in every area of my life, including my health.  Now, because I am overweight, losing weight is an all inclusive piece of health improvement. For so long, I tried to just lose weight.  There are so many toxin filled gimmicks out there that promise quick weight loss totally separate from improving health.  These products can often be laden with various forms of sugar or caffeine both of which can be detrimental to your overall health.  These products also promise quick results for our microwave society, but the truth is change takes time.  It took me four and a half months to lose the 15 pounds and I couldn't be happier.

  Because I took the slow and steady route to losing weight, I gave myself time to really learn some recipes that my family truly loves to eat. I also learned how to combat temptations by planning ahead so that I would not be hungry during a tempting time.  One skill that I can say that I have mastered the most at this time is getting back to toxin free eating once I choose to have a meal or snack that is not the best choice.  I really believe that removing the time restriction from my weight loss goals has allowed me the freedom to learn how to change my habits positively.  It removed the stress of a timeline which tends to lead to my derailment of a healthy lifestyle.

  If you, my friend, are working to change your habits, I encourage you to give yourself the freedom to learn what works for your family and to keep getting back on track, even when you make mistakes.  Forgiving yourself for being human while tapping into the power of the Holy Spirit can be huge assets to your journey!  The best advice that I can offer you (and myself!), in the words of Nemo, "Just keep swimming!"

Giving It My All,
Jess

Motivation to Change



Lovely Friend,

   If you are like me, then you have struggled with the motivation to change your health.  Unfortunately, my motivation was often a "reward" of the food that I wasn't allowed to have.  What?!  Admitting that flaw is laughable and ludicrous, but for so long it was my bizarre motivation to get healthy.  If I just lost "x" pounds then I could eat a molten chocolate cake or some other highly craved "off-limits" food.  This strange motivator was not only ridiculous, but it only worked temporarily! With my new motivation to focus primarily on health improvements rather than weight loss, I have also decided to change my motivation.

   Because I know that I already have emotional ties to food, I have nixed using them as a motivation for continuing my health journey.  I also know that I was not motivated by my improved looks and new clothing size.  I am by no means saying that I would not love a much smaller clothing size, but this is motivator is too long-term to keep me going.  I know I  need something short-term, tangible and fun.  With those ideas in mind, I came across an ad for the color run on Facebook.  I clicked on it out of curiosity, and found it was the perfect fun and tangible motivator. With only 3 months to be able to run 3.2 miles, it also is a great short-term goal!

  Since deciding that this goal would be a good fit for me, I have gotten on a regular schedule going to the gym 3-4 times per week.  I am highly motivated by how great I have felt.  In addition to feeling great, I am able to even hit the gym when I don't feel like it because I don't want to lose the progress that I have made.  I know how hard that I work for just a small amount of progress, so I am motivated to keep going to not only maintain the progress, but keep it going.

  This goal has had a positive affect that I did not originally foresee, but I am so excited that it has occurred!  This new motivator has given my husband and I a new activity to do together.  My hubby has become my constant encourager.  He has become the one that matches each step and pushes me in love to reach a little further each time.  This has given our marriage a new depth and I absolutely love it!


  So, dear friend, I encourage you to round up a few friends and sign yourselves up for the next local run!  It can be such a great motivator and including some friends can definitely keep you accountable!

Giving it my all,
Jess

Training Wheels



Lovely Friend,

  Can you remember what it was like when you were learning to ride a bike for the first time?  You had mastered almost everything about riding a bike: steering, pedaling, and braking; however, one skill remained: balance.  It's kind of funny how all the other skills seemed so easy, until balance was added to the mix.

    I remember the day that my dad took off my training wheels.  I was at my grandmother's house, a very familiar place where I had ridden my bike many times before.  I had gone up and down her long driveway countless times with no fear, but that all changed when my training wheels were removed.  With the removal and this added skill of balance, I remember forgetting how to steer.  I continually slammed into the wooden fence that ran the length of my grandmother's driveway.  That day, several times, I wanted to quit and give up.  It was hard work learning to ride and it was frustrating to be so bad at this skill that I had previously believed that I had mastered.  With perseverance I did eventually learn to ride my bike and I have a couple of scarred knees to prove it.

   My experience learning to ride my bike is very similar to my experience learning to eat clean.  I know what I am supposed to be doing, but balancing it can be very challenging at times.  I know that preparation is a big key, but figuring out how to balance the added food prep time into my schedule involves mastery of balance.  I also have had to master my schedule when I am away from home.  My previous habits have been to drive thru, but now I favor packing my own lunch.  Although I prefer this new idea, I still have to remember to pack our lunches before we leave the house.  It is new part of balance that I am still learning how to do.

   I am very encouraged to remember that anytime that I am learning to do something new, perfection is not expected immediately.  Eating clean is no different.  It requires perseverance for me to be able to master it.  It requires perseverance for me to jump back on track every time that I get off course.  It requires perseverance for me to make the hard choices even when I don't feel like it.  My friend, I hope that you are encouraged to stay on track even when you fall!  I hope, that like me, you realize that a healthier lifestyle is a change that will have ups and downs in the beginning.  But, like riding a bike, healthy eating does get mastered and your health will change as a result!

Giving it my all,
Jess

What My Health Battle Really Is



Lovely Friend,

  I cannot express the depth to which I have learned about myself through trying to change my health.  It really quite amazes me that so many parts of my life are so interconnected and woven together.  This may seem odd that your health could be so tied to other parts of your life, but for me, it truly is.  I have realized how much my health is tied to my spiritual, social, and emotional self. 

  My physical health is tied to my spiritual health more than I ever realized that it could be.  This past year I have been home with my daughter and have slowed down enough to hear the still small voice of the Lord.  My car is the place where He speaks to me the most and often brings verses to me in a way that I have not understood it before.  The initial verse that God brought to me was "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."  He reminded me that serving Him takes place in EVERY area of my life, including what I eat.  Another way that I have learned about my spiritual health through food is when I have chosen to sin with it.  Now, I want to say that I do not believe that eating fast food is sinning.  But in this particular situation, it became a sin for me.  One night, I really was very tired and didn't feel like cooking.  I entertained the idea of driving through for a burger, although I knew that we really were saving that money for other expenses and it was not the appropriate health choice for me.  I ordered my meal and way overate, to the point where I ate mine and my husband's meal.  This is hard for me to admit that this even happened because it is not the norm for me at all.  I questioned, "Why when I could be satisfied with one meal, would I eat two meals?"  Digging deeper and being aware of my surroundings made me tune in to what happened.  First, I ate so much because I opened the can of worms called "craving" and overate because I craved the food.  I ate so fast and devoured the food before I had time to rate my fullness.  Second, this caused me a small kink in my relationship with my husband that night.  I did not have food to feed him which created an uneasy situation between us.  Just realizing that a food situation could affect my marriage was eye opening to the depth that food can affect me.  Third, later that night I did not sleep well because I felt so awful! Through this I am reminded that Satan comes to "steal, kill, and destroy" and he is making every attempt to do this through my health! 

  Socially is another area that I have come to realize that food is a major factor!  Most of the entertainment that we experience in our culture revolves around food!  For me, going on a date, often involves, my hubby and I eating at a restaurant.  Hanging out with friends, involves food to some degree, and family time is centered around food as well.  For the most part, I have wrestled down our clean eating at the home, but when I step foot out of the protection of my doors, all hell breaks loose!  I am tempted on every angle from the readiness of the fast food that is available to the social gatherings where it is encountered!  Food is a part of life and developing a plan to encounter it socially is HUGE!  It means that I have to plan to eat ahead of time or offer to bring something that is on my "good for my body" list.  It means that I may have to change some of my social patterns to gather with friends and family in places other than restaurants.  It means that I need to choose not to make exceptions outside my home because I am outside my home, often as much as I am in.  It means that know that I have learned how to control what I do behind closed doors, I must learn to control what I do outside them.

  Emotionally, oh how I am affected here!  My health is so affected by my emotions because I tend to grab food when I am stressed.  Something that I can do with food is continue to operate in my stressful situation while indulging myself in food.  I have read suggestions such as "take a walk" or "do yoga" to help calm yourself down from a stressful situation, but the fact is, those are not ideal!  I am not denying that a fair share of exercise wouldn't help me to balance out my emotional health, but in a stressful moment, I typically cannot leave, abandon my responsibility, and take a walk. This is why I have gravitated towards food to satisfy my emotional needs.  I can be in the brunt of a stressful situation and have trained my brain to release endorphins when I eat food.  These endorphins make grabbing food during stress so easy and convenient!  So for my emotional battle, I have to again put my foot down and say that enough is enough!  I have to be willing to take the hard road and change habits that are not easily changed!  I have to find new endorphin releasing experiences that can coincide with the stressful situation.  Several that I will pursue are diffusing oils, drinking tea, and beginning my day with a dose of Jesus and a good workout. 

  There is surely a reason that I have named my weight loss, a journey.  It affects so many facets of my life and I knew that it certainly would not happen over night. I knew that it would take some deep soul searching for me to be able to put one foot in front of the other.  There are definitely lots of hard days, but, I know that it will be all worth it when I am able to celebrating reaching each milestone that I have set!

Giving it my all,
Jess

Celebration!!



Lovely Friend,

   Today has been a fabulous day!  I have been a total boss at my meals and I have progress to report!  Woohoo, who doesn't love some progress?!  Especially with a lifestyle change.  I have almost completed the eighth week of my detox lifestyle change and I am so excited that there has been some progress! 

   Unfortunately, I have not been able to weigh lately, because my scale has been broken.  I know there are probably some jokes being said, or at least crossing your mind, BUT I didn't break it!  It ended up getting a shower that it didn't appreciate (thanks, Camille) and hasn't worked since.  Because I am really not a fan of Walmart, I haven't made it in to get a new one, which means I only weigh at the gym now.  We have had some crazy winter weather and I haven't made it to the gym lately so I really am unsure of my current weight (but I do expect progress next time I go!)

   So no weight loss to report, but I am happy to say that my clothes are getting too big! Woohoo!
 [Insert Internet High Five]  Yep, my clothes are getting too big and it's in my waist.  This morning I pulled a pair of jeans out of the dryer and slipped them on.  I noticed that even out of the dryer they were a little loose, and was excited.  Typically, freshly dried pants are a little on the snug side and I may even have to lay on the bed to maneuver the button closed (You may have even tried this too!); so for them to be freshly dried and a little loose, I was ecstatic!  As I went through the day, I kept having to pull my pants up or they would have literally hit my ankles.  With all my lose pants excitement, I decided to measure my waist!

   Usually measuring my waist is not an event that I look forward to, because it is a reminder of the distance from my goal.  However, with my newly loosened pants, I was excited to have a measure of my progress.  I lined the tape measure across my waist just right and mentally crossed my fingers for progress.  Then, there it was, the measure!  I had lost a whole inch from my waist!  To some, an inch my seem minor; but when you decide to take the slow road, the one that will actually bring a PERMANENT change, you celebrate every step!

   One of the biggest lessons that I have gleaned from this weight loss journey is that it is okay to celebrate even the tiniest step.  Too often, if my weight loss has been a small portion of a much larger goal, then I have not felt that it was worth celebrating.  When I have heard stories of weight loss, there has always been a huge amount of weight lost in a short amount of time, and this is just not my story.  My story will be one of perseverance with many lessons learned along the way.  My story will be one that takes years to reach a goal, rather than months.  My story will be one that is never-ending.  So with this never-ending journey, I will proudly celebrate EACH step!

Giving it my all,
Jess



The Secret to Losing Weight When You're Not at Home

Lovely Friends,

  It seems that I am quite full of secrets lately, and, it's true, I am. Being in tune with my food choices has really helped me uncover many secrets in the food world.  Some of these little secrets have been plainly in front of me for some time now, but I overlooked them.  For so long, I have tried every fad, because I have read the miraculous success stories and I just knew that I would be the next to pose with my own.  I would be the girl that had lost 125 pounds in six months and was flaunting my newly found, perfectly tanned beach body in front of millions of infomercial viewers.  Wrong, wrong, very wrong!  This new way of life is not a fad and I am not going to lose 125 in 6 months!  This new way is hard and tough, but produces long term results; and the secrets that I am uncovering are long-term as well.

  At this point, I have more or less gotten my habits in check within my home.  I purchase what I can eat and don't what I cant.  I have a routine for my eating and it works well for my daily grind.  However, one of my hang-ups happens to be when I leave the house. 

  Leaving the house means that I am leaving my routine and my control behind.  I have been able to master the restaurant routine pretty well and I will be sharing my tips for this later.  What I don't have in check is visiting another house.  It could be a friend or a family member, but a visit to dinner at another house still derails me!  When I am out of my house, temptations are present and I have no control over the menu.  It is burdensome for me because I want to do the right thing for my health and I don't want to hurt my friend's feelings. 

   The dilemma in my head usually goes like this.  "This food looks delicious and smells even better! I know my friend must have worked so hard on it and she will be proud to hear how great it tastes!  Darn, it's not detox friendly, but I have to eat something.  I certainly don't want to hurt my friend's feelings!  Ugh, what am I supposed to do?"

  Now that dilemma is one that I enter quite often and I hate feeling that way.  I know how important my health is, but thinking that I may hurt someone's feelings really makes me feel awful!  So what have I decided to do about it? Well, this is where the secret comes in.  I have decided to...prepare!

  Preparation has been my new found secret to losing weight even though I am out with friends.  The most important thing about being out with friends is that I am spending time with them and not have a battle in my head about what to eat.  So when I visit friend's or family's houses in the future I will follow this plan:

1. Bring my own meal from home. If I know the meal isn't clean, or I am unsure, I will follow this idea. I will either grab something from my clean, frozen arsenal in the garage or make myself a quick and clean dinner to eat.

2. Let my friends know that I have food sensitivities.  Doing this will let them know that I would love to eat their food but cant because of how it affects my body.  It will also help me to not feel guilty because I have explained myself.  In addition, it will keep them from wondering why I have chosen not to eat their family recipe lasagna.

3. Offer to bring a clean side.  If I know that part of the meal may be clean, such as the main dish, then I will bring something else that I can eat.  This will allow me to contribute to the meal and stay on track.

4. Bring plenty of fizzies.  At times, visiting friends or family, I can get bored and start snacking.  It's not that the conversation isn't good, but more that this is a horrible habit when I'm out.  I am the girl that grazes all night!  If I have a large glass of water with a fizzie in it, then I am less likely to graze for flavor.  I will simply sip and chat and stay on track.

  I am so excited to continually learn secrets and tips that I can use to stay the course and lead a happy, healthy life!

Giving it my all,
Jess

The Best Natural Appetite Suppressant (And It's Practically Free!)

Lovely Friend,

  As I journey to better health (and I do mean journey, complete with ups and downs!), I am continually analyzing my behaviors and emotions towards food so that I will know how to beat them! I want to be the best me possible and  learning to eat clean has brought many challenges.  One of the biggest challenges for me is preparation.

  Preparation requires lots of planning followed by lots of action to bring the plan together.  I constantly have to stay one step ahead of myself so that I wont get caught red handed (remember that earlier post?).  With preparation, many convenience foods have been removed from our grocery list, so I am always on the look out for something clean and EASY!  Can I get an amen?!  This ph balanced diet is hard work, but so worth it! 

  I must admit I have discovered something that is easy, natural (like really from nature!), and almost free!  I know you must be wondering what this big secret is.  Seriously, if I have discovered something so great, then why isn't it flooding our Facebook newsfeed like all the other weight loss products?  Good question!  Well, for starters, I think that God-made products often get overlooked and the Dr. Oz's of the world have become the experts on what is healthy for our bodies.  Another reason that this great suppressant gets overlooked is because it is old school.  In this American day and age, we are fad chasers!  We want the quick and dirty (meaning totally toxic) version and we are interested in looks being the end result.  The last reason that I think this  substance gets overlooked is because it requires some consistency throughout the day.  It is so much easier for us to pop a "magic weight loss pill" and go on with our day.  So, what is this grand suppressant that I have discovered??  It's...water!  Yep, good ole H2O!

  I know you must have two thoughts.  First, "Seriously, water?  I read three paragraphs for water?"  Yes, yes you did.  And the second thought is probably, "You have just now discovered water, lady?  It has been around since the beginning of time!"  Well, I have actually not "just" discovered water, but I have become more attuned to the appetite suppressing quality of this amazing substance.  So, before you stiff arm me, hear me out.

  Water being used as an appetite suppressant has three great benefits.  First, if I consume a glass or two of water with my meal (or even before it), I eat less.  Thus this is the appetite suppressing quality of this wonderful liquid.  Another way that I have used water to suppress my appetite is by drinking it throughout the day.  When I think that I might be hungry between meals, I drink a glass of water (often with a pomegranate fizzie) to make sure that I am not thirsty.  It turns out most of the time that I actually am just thirsty and the water fills my stomach, reminding me that I am not really hungry. I have had to learn to recognize the difference between being hungry and thirsty.  For so long, I considered every feeling as hunger so I turned off my tuner and drowned myself in food.  I am now rebelling against that former behavior and listening to my body communicate its needs.  The final benefit of using water as an appetite suppressant is that it is an alkaline substance.  According to the ph chart created by Air, Water, Life, tap water sits right at a ph of 7 which is neutral.  You can add some fresh lemon slices or a drop of lemon essential oil to move it to the alkaline category.  Since the goal of this diet is to create a more alkaline environment internally, water proves to be a great substance to use as an appetite suppressant.

  I will say, that even with all the benefits of using water for suppressing appetites, you will have to train yourself to use it.  I have always been a water drinker, so that was one habit that I did not have to add.  However, I have not always consumed as much water during the day as I currently do.  Right now, my goal is to consume 64 ounces of water daily. I plan to slowly work my body up to drinking a gallon of water a day.  So, I encourage you to try out water as an appetite suppressant.  You might find that you totally love it!

Giving it my all,
Jess

This treasure right here is my favorite water cup!  I snagged it at our zoo and I use it all the time to indulge in water with fresh lemon slices and a pomegranate fizzie.  This favorite cup of mine is 32 ounces, so I can finish half of my water with just one fill.  I encourage you to find a favorite cup!  It makes water drinking that much more exciting!

A Woman Has the Right to Choose

Lovely Friend,

   Today I am beginning my eighth week of this health journey, and, a journey it has been!  I have learned so much about myself, my habits, and my dependence on food.  I have learned about the cravings that are easily broken and the ones that I will have to continue to choose to combat.  I have learned that this thing called "a diet" is really "my diet."  It is not to be viewed as some event that happens over a course of time, but rather a step onto another path. 
 
   This other path requires preparation.  This other path requires discipline.  This other path requires patience.  This other path requires a different focus.  And, above all, this other path requires choice.

  Choice, is an action that I have come to know well.  It is an action that I did not use correctly for far too long.  It is an action that will cause me to leave the old path and walk the new.   And this action called "choice", is more than an action, it is right!  A right to healthy life!  A right to a happy life!  A right to a disease free life!  A right to feel great!  A right to be the best that I can be!

  I have always viewed "a diet" as a singular event, but no more.  I am no longer on "a diet" but this is "my diet".  And "my diet" will require me to understand that EVERY choice counts! 

Giving it my all,
Jess

Caught Red Handed

Lovely Friend,

   I am not sure how your bad decisions usually go, but mine typically fit into one of two categories.  The first, I completely KNOW that I making a bad choice and do it anyway.  Usually there is some benefit to the bad choice and, in the moment, that benefit outweighs the consequences.  Now, the second, is much more innocent.  This bad choice is a choice that I thought was a good choice!  It usually reveals itself in retrospect and brings with it a shock.  I am not here to judge or debate about the bad choices that I have chosen to make or not.   Rather, I want to give some insight into my typical experiences with bad choices, because last night caught me off guard!

  I have been on this journey to health for about 7 weeks now and I have learned so much about my bad habits and how to combat them. But last night, whew, I wasn't ready for it!  I wasn't even considering it!  So, what was my choice?  What did I do?  Last night... I "ate" some cheese! 
 
   If at first glance, it doesn't seem so bad, let me explain.  Those quotation marks around "ate" are definitely not there by accident!  No, they are very intentional.  The reason that I have placed them there is because "ate" is really not the correct word for what happened last night.  Truthfully, "inhaled" is probably a much more accurate depiction of the incident that occurred.

  It was about 9:30 P.M. and I was beginning my family's nightly routine.  We had picked up the toys, given the kisses and hugs, turned off Netflix and the T.V., turned on the downstairs lamps, prepared the diffuser, plugged in the electronics for charging, then crawled into bed.  I was tired.  I was exhausted.  I just wanted...S...L...E...E...P!  Just about the time that I felt settled, I remembered that I hadn't let the sinks and showers drip.  "Uggghhh" was my first thought.  "Stupid cold weather!" was the thought that followed.  At that point, I was tired and frustrated and just wanted to be in bed asleep; but,  I rolled out of my warm bed to complete this necessary task.  And, of course, since I was getting up, Camille wanted to get up, the dog wanted out again, and my sweet little routine now had a kink.

  This kink, during my moment of weakness, is what derailed me!  I had visited the downstairs bathroom and completed the cold weather precautions, then headed to the kitchen.  My shadow was following me and the dog wanted out.  I let the dog out, turned the knob to the kitchen sink until it just dripped, then heard the dog scratch to be let back in.  I let the dog in and was reaching for the kitchen light switch when I heard, "Mommy, I want a snack."  Remembering that my daughter hadn't completed her dinner and realizing that I forgot to reheat it when we got back from the gym, I grabbed a cheese stick for her...and TWO for me!

  Two cheese sticks, yes, two!  And the kicker is that I wasn't even hungry!  I grabbed both packages, unwrapped them and bit into them.  Now, this is where eating changes into inhaling.  I bit into the cheese, slightly chewed it, and practically swallowed each bite whole.  By the time that I had swallowed the first bite, I was reaching for the second!  I devoured those cheese sticks in about a minute flat and I really didn't even want them!  As I trashed the wrappers and I turned out the kitchen light, I questioned, "What just happened?  Why did you do that?"

  I headed upstairs to finish my water dripping task in the upstairs bath and tried to dig deep to analyze "why?"  I realized several things.  First, I was tired which made me irritable and likely to make a poor choice.  Second, I was pulled out of my comfortable routine to complete a minor task that I had forgotten to do.  This task, though minor, caused stress, and through stress I reached for food.

  Equating food with peace is something that the Holy Spirit previously revealed to me about myself, but last night, I wasn't prepared for this struggle.  I have slowly started implementing several techniques to deal with stress (which will be a great post for another day!) but last night, I caught myself red handed.  The thing about it is, it's okay!  Yes, I messed up.  Yes, I slipped. Yes, I was disappointed in myself, but it is going to be okay! 

  So where do I go from here?  What is my plan?  My plan is to get right back on the path to ph balanced eating and call this a mistake that is behind me! This is a journey, after all!

Giving it my all,
Jess

The Diet That FINALLY Makes Sense!

Lovely Friend,

   Like I have stated in previous posts that I have struggled with weight for a VERY long time!  I hit a chubby stage as a kid from 3rd-7th grade and then evened out in high school.  During college, the "freshman fifteen" turned into the "freshman thirty" and the weight kept piling on from there.  By the time that I was married, 4 years later, I had gained 90 pounds total since graduating high school.  My schedule had become my own and unfortunately fast food had settled its way into my life comfortably. 
  After being married for several years, my husband and I decided to have a child.  We struggled with this for 2 years before I finally conceived our precious daughter!  Six months before conceiving, I had decided to pursue weight loss once again and lost a healthy 30 pounds over the course of five months through moderation of food intake and meeting weekly with a personal trainer.  I was able to keep this weight off for those six months, my entire pregnancy, and several months post birth (total about 1.5 years).  During the course of my weight loss, this was the only time where I consistently lost weight and kept it off for any amount of time!
  Over the ten years that I have  been overweight, I have tried many things: diet pills, food journals, journal apps, low carb, vegan (very short amount of time!), just eating no processed food, Dr. Oz diets, and a slew of many other fads and "tricks".  Nothing ever seemed to be the "perfect fit" for me to maintain or really make me feel that great.  I always really questioned "What WAS actually healthy for me?" and "How would I know?"  There is so much research to comb through and try to analyze.  There are some health professionals that are more into medicine than food for healing and so it was hard to be sure. 
  Okay, so you know that I have tried everything and I really don't WANT to be overweight (this is another blog post), so what works?  What FINALLY makes sense? A ph balanced body is what finally makes sense!  One summer I tried a detox program hosted by my friend, Cara, who uses Arbonne to teach others about health.  Am I saying that you have to use Arbonne products to complete this diet? Not at all, but I will post a blog about some of my favorite products!  What I am saying is that a diet that balances your internal ph is the diet that finally works!  This diet will not only help you lose weight but can cure ailments that you got used to living with!  Oh, I did not realize that I could FEEL this great until I began this diet!
  So, what really is a ph balanced diet?  Well, I am NO expert but the basis of it is that you are trying to get your body to an alkaline environment that is oxygenated.  When your body is properly oxygenated, then it can release toxic fat (great for weight loss!).  In addition to releasing this dangerous fat, some of the ways that your body is "acting out" will be cured, because you are no longer irritating your body.
  Okay, so how do you have a ph balanced diet?  Well, the simplest way to put it is that you try to eat foods that will alkanize your body.  You would also avoid certain categories of foods altogether because they are toxic to your body. 
Here is a list of the categories to be avoided:
*Gluten
*Dairy
*Sugar
*Artificial Sweetener
*Corn
*Soy
*Pork
*Caffeine

   I am also posting this chart from airwaterlife.com* to model alkaline and acidic foods.  This chart has helped me to understand what food to eat and how it will be helping or hurting my body.  I try to eat food mostly on the alkaline side, but if I choose an acidic food, I compliment it with an alkaline food.  I have never had anything make so much sense to me as understanding what I am doing to my body with food! 
 

   So for my diet, I avoid the following foods above, eat organic as much as possible, and try to choose alkaline foods as much as I can.  I am definitely still a long way from my goal, but taking it a day and decision at a time!

Giving it my all,
Jess

 

*airwaterlife.com is a company that creates water ionizers.  I referenced them simply because they have created this wonderful graphic that models food so beautifully.  I personally have not researched ionizers.

 

Joshua and the American Way (2/4/15)

Lovely Friend,

I have been on my weight loss journey for about 1 ½ months now and I have lost a total of about 9 pounds in that amount of time.  That averages to about 1 ½ pounds per week.  I am definitely on the…S…L…O…W road to weight loss, which is EXACTLY where I NEED to be!  I have heard the phrase, “God, I want you to teach me patience, and I want you to teach me, right now!”  Oh, how this pertains to my attitude about weight loss!  In my head I was, “God, I want to lose weight, and I want to lose it, right now!”  But the thing about “right now” is that no habits change.  There is no leaning on God.  There is no dealing with those deeply rooted emotions that are tied to food.  So, I am taking the hard way, the slow way.  I am rebelling against the American way and leaning into Joshua!

Last week, as I was driving (The Holy Spirit knows he can grab a few quiet minutes with me in the car!), the Holy Spirit spoke to my spirit about a scripture in Joshua.  This was a scripture that I knew all too well.  It is one that I dare admit that I even overlooked and had gotten to familiar with.  The phrase that the Spirit of the Lord deposited into me was “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)  At that moment, this phrase took on a new meaning to me!  This phrase became my health cry! “ As for me, and my house, we will serve the Lord [in our health and eating habits].”  This revelation was HUGE for me!

As a Christian, I am supposed to stand out in everything that I do, not in a judgmental way, but rather, in a way that screams “She MUST know Jesus!”  So far, my eating habits have been so far from the way that the Lord would have me live!  But, the beauty about the revelation was that it did not make me feel guilty or horrible about myself.  My friends, this is not the way that our Savior works!  It was more like an “ah-ha” moment for me.  It was like “God, wow!  You have designed our bodies and you have designed the food that would make them function well.  You created the food that would prevent diseases and suffering from them.  You are awesome, my God!”  I love the way that my Savior so tenderly redirects my path so that He can save me (often from myself.)

 

Giving it my all,
Jess

The Road Less Traveled and Lessons That I Have Learned Along the Way (1/16/14)

Lovely Friend,

   “The road less traveled.”  If there ever was a clique, this would be one!  I have heard this phrase many times about life decisions, but this is the first time that I have applied it to food.  By nature I am very analytical, and I often try to learn about my own behaviors through analysis.  I know that I sound like a psychologist there, but I am far from one. In fact, I am type A personality on the dot, with a little ADHD mixed in.  Ok, focus, so road less traveled with food.  As I was digging deep into myself trying to understand my battles with weight and what specific habits needed changing, I realized that I was taking the same route as many other Americans.  I was busy.  I was tired.  I was emotional. I wanted quick.

   Being busy, tired, emotional, and quick often led me to fast food as a family fav.  In the last post, I mentioned my Wendy’s #1 that had become so dear to my heart.  Seriously, this meal, in particular, had become my daily craving and most of the time I gave in.  I was serving my family crappy food and I knew it!  Thus, the emotions came.  I felt guilty, but pacified this feeling with the false happiness that came when consuming my cheeseburger and fries.  Monitoring this behavior gave me some insight into myself and taught me a few things, so in “Type A” bullet format, I have posted the lessons below.

 

Lessons that I have learned:

1. I equated food (especially junk food) with peace.  I ate when I wanted to relax and I ate when I was stressed.

2. Hunger is the enemy!  The two times that I have cheated, I have been extremely hungry and grabbed whatever I could.

3. Meal planning is your friend!  When I choose to meal  plan, I have my ammo for the week and I am less likely to sway!

4.  Keep snacks in your purse.  The truth is that crazy things happen in life, and you cannot always do what you planned.  I personally have begun carrying water in a reusable bottle and some packaged almonds or unsweetened dried fruit for times when I may not have clean food handy.

Giving it my all,

Jess

Two Weeks and Two Pounds (1/15/14)

Lovely Friend,

   I am two weeks in to my detox journey and I am still plugging strong!  Does this mean that I haven’t cheated, actually no, BUT it does mean that the cheats did not totally derail me!  Normal, I am a one cheat and done kind of girl, but as I explained in my previous post, I am taking this change thing hardcore.  Week 2 of my detox is always the hardest for me, and this proved to be no different.  My two cheats have been totally devouring a Wendy’s #1 (no tomatoes and no onion), which killed my stomach, and eating some mushroom soup covered porkchops and scalloped potatoes at my mom’s house.  I am so proud of myself for picking right back up at the next meal and starting again clean.

  Something else about this detox thus far is that I have only lost about two pounds!  I know what you must be thinking, “Why are you still doing the diet, then?”  or “Are you kidding me, all that work for only two pounds?”  The old me would totally agree with you and would have called you up and invited you to Shakey’s!  But this new me, this girl that I am still learning how to become; this girl knows that one pound of healthy weight loss a week is totally worth it!  This girl, she knows that the way that her body feels is superior and that the food is working from the inside out.  She is no longer obsessed with numbers, but rather with the quality of nutrition that she is providing to her starving body!

  I am glad that I have started this detox journey and I am so motivated to have the opportunity to teach my daughter about food in the way that it should be taught! She will learn how to really cook.  She will learn what nutrients are available in what foods.  She will learn how to make the temple that God has given her the best that it can be for Him.  And hopefully, one day she will thank her Momma!

Giving it my all,

Jess

Rock Bottom (12/17/14)

Lovely Friend,

  As I begin this diary of sorts, I am logging my thoughts on my weight loss journey.  You see, I actually haven’t lost any weight yet, but I have come to a breaking point. 

  You would think that after being in a size 22 and spending nearly $300 on a new wardrobe that I would have gotten myself in check, but the truth is, the clothes made me feel good.  I liked my new wardrobe because I no longer felt frumpy.  My clothes actually fit!  And I would stand in front my half-mirror in the bathroom and lie to myself about my expanding size.  I know it sounds crazy, but I would tell myself, “You’re not that big.”  I would be shocked to see myself in pictures or in a full length mirror.  My mind always told myself that I was smaller than I actually was.  Because of this lie, the size did not trigger my breaking point.

  You might even think that the extravagant number of almost 280 on the scale, especially compared to some BMI charts, would trigger some panic in me.  Nope, not even a bit.  I told myself that even when I was healthy and thin at 160lbs that the weight charts had me in an overweight category.  I had ridden off those charts as no good, and stored my massive weight in the back of my mind.

  “Your blood pressure is high.”  Those simple words from a dental hygienist about to assist the dentist with a filling struck more terror in me than ever before.  Although, I have been overweight for about 7 years, I never really had health problems from it.  I have hypothyroidism, which I have had since ninth grade (at a very normal weight I might add!) and PCOS, which was discovered during my high school days, so I never considered those health problems associated with my weight.  I always thought that I would have them, regardless of my weight.  Because I have PCOS, I take medicine that is often prescribed to diabetics, so a Type II Diabetes diagnosis has not occurred because I am already remedying the situation.  I now believe that even with PCOS, I am probably in this category.  Now, let’s get back to the high blood pressure.  I have always been proud that even with such a high weight that I have always had a perfect 120/80!  But twice at the dentist within 1 week, I had blood pressure that was 150/90, not good!  This, my friends, was enough to scare me.  I don’t mean scare me for a moment and then go back to old ways. I mean serious, hard-core change.

  Thus, my weight loss journey has begun.  I certainly do NOT expect that this will be easy and I know that I will make mistakes, but doesn’t that define a journey after all.

Giving it my all,

Jess

Update: I have been to the doctor at this point and my blood pressure was back in the normal range.  He thinks that my nerves triggered the high number but I am on this weight loss journey never-the-less!

 

Why should I?

Lovely Friend,

   I began this blog almost 2 months ago and just wrote the posts on Word.  I created it to document my weight loss journey and I really didn't want to post it until I was able to post some jaw-dropping before and afters.  But the truth is, it's a journey and I am sure that there are others that are having the same struggles as me! 
   I am certain that I am not the only one that has had these struggles, these thoughts, these defeats, and these wins.  This blog makes me vulnerable because it exposes a battle that I have had for so long.  It exposes not only a physical battle but a spiritual battle that I have had and lost for many, many years.  However, the good news is that I have done some digging and some soul searching and exposed the lies for what they are.  I have discovered the truth behind my defeat and I am armoring up to battle once and for all! 
   As I post to this blog, you will see the days that I am winning full force and the days that I need some extra grace.  You may see me take one step forward and two steps back, but progress is progress.  A year from now, I want to be able to look back and see how far I have come!  I pray that this blog inspires you to face your battles, especially as they pertain to your health, because you are worth it!

Giving it my all,
Jess