I am not sure how your bad decisions usually go, but mine typically fit into one of two categories. The first, I completely KNOW that I making a bad choice and do it anyway. Usually there is some benefit to the bad choice and, in the moment, that benefit outweighs the consequences. Now, the second, is much more innocent. This bad choice is a choice that I thought was a good choice! It usually reveals itself in retrospect and brings with it a shock. I am not here to judge or debate about the bad choices that I have chosen to make or not. Rather, I want to give some insight into my typical experiences with bad choices, because last night caught me off guard!
I have been on this journey to health for about 7 weeks now and I have learned so much about my bad habits and how to combat them. But last night, whew, I wasn't ready for it! I wasn't even considering it! So, what was my choice? What did I do? Last night... I "ate" some cheese!
If at first glance, it doesn't seem so bad, let me explain. Those quotation marks around "ate" are definitely not there by accident! No, they are very intentional. The reason that I have placed them there is because "ate" is really not the correct word for what happened last night. Truthfully, "inhaled" is probably a much more accurate depiction of the incident that occurred.
It was about 9:30 P.M. and I was beginning my family's nightly routine. We had picked up the toys, given the kisses and hugs, turned off Netflix and the T.V., turned on the downstairs lamps, prepared the diffuser, plugged in the electronics for charging, then crawled into bed. I was tired. I was exhausted. I just wanted...S...L...E...E...P! Just about the time that I felt settled, I remembered that I hadn't let the sinks and showers drip. "Uggghhh" was my first thought. "Stupid cold weather!" was the thought that followed. At that point, I was tired and frustrated and just wanted to be in bed asleep; but, I rolled out of my warm bed to complete this necessary task. And, of course, since I was getting up, Camille wanted to get up, the dog wanted out again, and my sweet little routine now had a kink.
This kink, during my moment of weakness, is what derailed me! I had visited the downstairs bathroom and completed the cold weather precautions, then headed to the kitchen. My shadow was following me and the dog wanted out. I let the dog out, turned the knob to the kitchen sink until it just dripped, then heard the dog scratch to be let back in. I let the dog in and was reaching for the kitchen light switch when I heard, "Mommy, I want a snack." Remembering that my daughter hadn't completed her dinner and realizing that I forgot to reheat it when we got back from the gym, I grabbed a cheese stick for her...and TWO for me!
Two cheese sticks, yes, two! And the kicker is that I wasn't even hungry! I grabbed both packages, unwrapped them and bit into them. Now, this is where eating changes into inhaling. I bit into the cheese, slightly chewed it, and practically swallowed each bite whole. By the time that I had swallowed the first bite, I was reaching for the second! I devoured those cheese sticks in about a minute flat and I really didn't even want them! As I trashed the wrappers and I turned out the kitchen light, I questioned, "What just happened? Why did you do that?"
I headed upstairs to finish my water dripping task in the upstairs bath and tried to dig deep to analyze "why?" I realized several things. First, I was tired which made me irritable and likely to make a poor choice. Second, I was pulled out of my comfortable routine to complete a minor task that I had forgotten to do. This task, though minor, caused stress, and through stress I reached for food.
Equating food with peace is something that the Holy Spirit previously revealed to me about myself, but last night, I wasn't prepared for this struggle. I have slowly started implementing several techniques to deal with stress (which will be a great post for another day!) but last night, I caught myself red handed. The thing about it is, it's okay! Yes, I messed up. Yes, I slipped. Yes, I was disappointed in myself, but it is going to be okay!
So where do I go from here? What is my plan? My plan is to get right back on the path to ph balanced eating and call this a mistake that is behind me! This is a journey, after all!
Giving it my all,
Jess
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